Dear Local Newspaper Editor:
The other day I was driving around downtown. Normally I like to go to the mall, where the parking is free, but I had to go downtown for a couple of stops. I was, of course, driving my car on the streets, which is what God intended when he made the streets. (I don't like taxes or governments or taxes, but if they have to exist, then the money should be spent on stuff that we need, like roads).
The problem with driving around downtown is all of the damn walkers! I saw them all over the place and they act like THEY own the streets! They jaywalk across the street, they don't pay attention to stoplights and they walk right out into a crosswalk even when I have already started to turn the corner! Can't they just wait a second and THEN walk across the street? My car is much larger and I could just mow them down, so why don't they respect my vehicle? Or better yet, why don't they just go to the suburbs and neighborhoods and use the sidewalks where people are used to them? I remember when I was a kid and people used to just walk around the block near their house. They didn't have to go and clog up the streets where the cars need to be.
The biggest thing I hate about walkers is that they don't pay any taxes to maintain the roads even though they use them! Walkers should have to pay for a license or pay a tax if they just want to go up and down the streets that I paid for with my taxes and fees. I have paid for the right to put on my studded snow tires and tear up the streets any time I want, but not these damn walkers who are just out showing off and taking up space that cars can use. Until they help pay for the roads, they shouldn't have the same rights as I do!
Oh I know that someone is going to read this and just say, "oh, oh, oh, I pay taxes too, whine, whine . . ." Yeah, well until I see you in a car I don't know that, do I? You should have to carry a sign or be marked in some way, otherwise I won't know that you have a car and just aren't in it. And that just isn't right.
Someone should do something about all those damn walkers. The Founding Fathers didn't create roads just to have walkers on them. They built them for American Cars!
An Angry Patriot!